I will not shy away from the difficult, the contentious, the painful. I will not allow myself to be cleaved, in two parts that ought never to have been separated, one side accepted, the other judged and condemned.
I grew up being told by the world around me that the ‘male’ traits of
assertiveness, power, strength, rationality, constance, levelness, physical protectiveness
were infinitely superior to the ‘female’ traits of
compassion, vulnerability, volatility, flexibility, change, emotionality, intuition, protection, emotional protectiveness
And if I showed the traits I possessed that were deemed male, this was praised…except when it didn’t suit those around me, and I was told I was
(assertive) aggressive, (powerful, strong) controlling, (rational) avoiding my emotions and being overly rational, (constant level) not being true to myself or pretending to be something I was not
And it was expected that I showed the traits I possessed that were deemed female…except when it didn’t suit those around me, and then I was told I was
(compassionate, vulnerable) too soft and weak, (volatile, flexible) too volatile, fickle and changeable, (emotional) too emotional, (intuitive) superstitious, not practical or imagining things, (protective) aggressive
Today I learned that these two sides can and do coexist within us all, and healing comes from integration.
I found a sense of power, oneness, peace and safety, by accessing this integration – learning that my power comes through connection – through my compassion, my kindness, my ability to understand and to see another, and to see the bigger picture through skills of intuition, listening to and understanding my emotions.
The traits of volatility and changeability cannot be removed due to our essence and our biology, but they can be harnessed to facilitate change – we cannot change if we are immovable, fixed or constant.
Emotion and intuition are elements of information gathering, just as valuable as fact-based investigations – what we feel, sense, see, hear, touch, taste and smell – why is one of our senses valued as less than? What do we risk missing if we dismiss the information gathered through these feelings and through our intuition? What do we lose of ourselves, if we numb these within our own bodies?
I re-experienced all the ways I have been minimised as a woman in my life – and I felt angry. And it has not been just by men. I also felt angry at the women who have betrayed me in my life, or accused me of betrayal, when in reality they were seeing a mirror to their hearts.
I have walked through life, by and large, actively seeking out ways to support other women, giving what I wished I’d had. I have been minimised by men, yes, but I can list countless times women have also minimised me, in my own family, medical professionals denying my experience of my own body – even during labour, education professionals minimising my experience of my own children, preferring to make neurodivergence a parenting issue, rather than showing a willingness to listen and look at their own systems. It is not all women nor all men. I have been privileged to come across many people of all genders who have supported me, mentored me, defended me, seen me, cared for me. And I haven’t always been the person I have wished to be. I have reacted defensively, with a counter attack, at times I wish I could have remained true to myself. I recognise also that much of the minimising I have experienced as an attack on me was probably also born out of defence or a fear of being attacked.
We have to change the narrative here and stop seeing one another as the enemy – stop seeing our different sides as the enemy within – begin with finding integration within ourselves, and then extend that to our families, friends and communities. Then we will find healing and peace.
— I experienced a powerful therapeutic session today, female embodiment, with a wonderful mentor and friend across the world. I can only thank her from the bottom of my heart for the gift she shared with me today. #thefeminine #embodiment #integration #power #wisdom #women
