I’ve been thinking about identity, and the assumptions we make about people. Obviously there is a huge complexity to identity, for example some of the issues that are very popular in the media at the moment in terms of gender, sexual and relationship diversity or in terms of neurodivergence, but on a lighter level, on a smaller note, there’s something that really interested me this week.
I had my nose pierced, a couple of days ago, and it’s something I’ve been wanting to have done for about 20 years, but I’ve never got around to it. And what really surprised me is that three people who’ve known me for more than 15 years, all thought I already had one done, and some of these people also assume I’m vegetarian, which I’m not, although there have been periods of my life where I haven’t eaten any meat or fish, just because I wanted vegetables.
This reminded me of one friend in particular who I’ve known since I was 19, so this is approaching 30 years, and he has always assumed I’m vegetarian and I once said to him “Why is that?” And he said “It’s because you’ve got…” (I used to have a centre parting, long straight hair) “…long hair, and you look a bit like a hippy.” And I was like “Alright, ok.” And then seven or eight years later, I had really short hair, and again he raised surprise that I was not a vegetarian, and again I said to him “Why is it you think I’m vegetarian? I don’t get it.” And he was like “Oh, it’s because you’ve got really short hair.”
And I said to myself, “It’s nothing to do with the hair, is it?” And during this sharing of my shiny new nose stud with friends, someone yesterday used the word ‘aura’ – “You have this aura around you of someone who had a nose stud, and someone who is vegetarian.” And it made me wonder what these auras are, and what they mean, and what they represent.
So being conscious that I’ve always wanted a nose stud, and apparently unusually for women, I was sure it had to be on the right hand side, I’m aware that it’s an external manifestation of who I am, and I don’t really know why. I don’t know why I feel a need to use this language (of the piercing in this place) to express who I am. I don’t know why I use the language of my clothing or my behaviour to express who I am. I don’t know how it all fits together. And I’ve suddenly become really, really curious about that.
And so I was really curious about what other assumptions we make about people, for good or for bad, and why we make them. What information we’re collecting, that we put together, to make a pattern, that makes us positive that someone’s had a nose stud for decades, or someone’s a vegetarian – or just that they’re ‘that’ type of person. Many people seem to inaccurately assume I’m really into homeopathy too, which I’m absolutely not.
Anyway, just a bit of food for thought about how we collate information, and how we make sense of the world – and whether some of us, sometimes, project our versions of people onto them, rather than seeing the reality of who they are – and whether some of us, sometimes, somehow see the physical manifestation of who that person really wants to be, or hasn’t yet caught up to being.
I find it very interesting, and I would encourage you all to express curiosity in your own lives or explore the curiosity in your lives about the assumptions you make, however small or however big, about other people. Any thoughts welcome too, so please do leave a comment or drop me a message.
