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A person, in stemming their aggressive force (where aggressive is used in the broadest sense to mean the energy that stems from passion or feeling strongly that something needs to change), kills their own life energy.

Aggression is a specific kind of energy, one of the most powerful, but in our society it is often misunderstood, condemned, and therefore hidden and suppressed. This leads to depression, anxiety, a sense of purposeless, a sense of floating without energy or without power to move. Aggression, when suppressed for too long, can be triggered by any kind of perceived injustice – children dying in foreign countries, your boss exerting undue authority over you, your partner nagging you one too many times. Suppressed aggression, when triggered, will explode into the space around you. It has a power that is terrifying to those near you. Once it is released, you will feel better, but in doing so you will eventually destroy everything in your environment.

Aggression, when allowed to emerge naturally and in an appropriate time, is the most powerful catalyst for change. Voice whatever it is that feels unfair in a calm and measured manner (or as calmly as you can). Explain how you feel and why you feel this way. Ask for what you want instead or say what it is you will do differently. It might not be easy the first time – sometimes you might need to take five minutes time out to breathe before you can have this conversation. Sometimes you might need to go and punch something first, or take a cold shower to get some perspective. The first time you allow this powerful force to emerge, it can be frightening and it can take practice to do it in a way that feels safe.

It is easier for a child to learn to rein in and express their anger, because a child is small and feels relatively unthreatening to others. When an adult learns, for the first time, it can be frightening to themselves and others around them, which is why counselling can be so valuable, because you can learn in the safety of the counselling room with a counsellor you trusts, without fear of damaging or hurting those you loves or those that you needs to maintain good relationships with.

We all have an inner innate aggression that, when channelled in the right way, is a powerful force for good. It promotes change. It provides security and safety for your partner or children. It enables strong and containing boundaries. It gives you a sense of purpose and focus. It unleashes your passions and your joy of life and living. It gives you a sense of vitality. You become more who you are, and therefore you become more stable and trustworthy. You become a safe person to be around, rather than a volatile and unpredictable volcano.

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